I Don't Want to Be Here

Gary Renard is one of the most well-known teachers of "A Course in Miracles," a book that deeply influenced my life. Having read the book three times (it took me seven years to read it the first time), its content moves me deeply today.

In one of his CD products, Mr. Renard says (listen along with the attached audio and embedded media player below): "And that’s why it matters whether or not you do this. That’s why it matters. You know, people say, well gee, if it’s all an illusion, then why does it matter what I do? Well, the reason it matters is because if you don’t do this is you will stay stuck in that illusion forever in your experience. So, the real question isn’t whether or not this works. The real question is how long do you want to prolong your suffering? And if you’ve decided that you want out and you want to stop coming back here and reincarnating and it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to live the rest of this life…as I’ve said, you don’t have to give up anything in this world…it’s just a different way of looking at it…and if you do this, then you’ll be doing something that very few people in human history have ever really done. You’ll be joining the ranks of people like Jesus and Buddha if you practice this kind of forgiveness that forgives people not in the old fashioned Newtonian sense of the way but forgives them in the new quantum kind of a way. This kind of forgiveness is very much in harmony with the new quantum physics which teaches that there’s not really such thing as separation. Everything is connected. Everything is one."

In reading the above, you probably missed it. In everyday conversations, you probably miss it or don't pay any attention to it. When you see it on TV, you miss it. When you go to church, you miss it. What am I talking about?

Medco's 2012 report, "America's State of Mind," examines the 22% increase in mental health medications in the areas of antidepressants, antipsychotics, attention deficit hyperactivity and anti-anxiety treatments from 2001-2010.

Drug use is on the rise in this country and 23.5 million Americans are addicted to alcohol and drugs. That's approximately one in every 10 Americans over the age of 12 – roughly equal to the entire population of Texas. This doesn't even come close to measuring the recreational users.

But don't worry about it. There's always heaven or nirvana or 27 virgins or whatever it is as long as it's not here. What am I missing about being here? Why is being here viewed as a punishment or sentence that can only be redeemed or rectified by NOT being here? Why is the end of suffering solved only by not being here? What you missed is why you do not react when Mr. Renard states, "The real question is how long do you want to prolong your suffering? And if you’ve decided that you want out and you want to stop coming back here and reincarnating..." It seems that everyone wants out.

Sri Aurobindo states:

"He caught up fragments of the Omniscient's thought,
He scattered formulas of omnipotence.
Thus man in his little house of earth's dust
Grew towards an unseen heaven of thought and dream
Looking into the vast vistas of his mind
On a small globe dotting infinity.
At last climbing a long and narrow stair
He stood alone on the high roof of things
And saw the light of a spiritual sun.
Aspiring he transcends his earthly self;
He stands in the largeness of his soul new-born,
Redeemed from encirclement by mortal things
And moves in a pure free spiritual realm
As in the rare breath of a stratosphere;
A last end of far lines of divinity,
He mounts by a frail thread to his high source;
He reaches his fount of immortality,
He calls the Godhead into his mortal life.
All this the spirit concealed had done in her:
A portion of the mighty Mother came
Into her as into its own human part:
Amid the the cosmic workings of the Gods
It marked her the centre of a wide-drawn scheme,
Dreamed in the passion of her far-seeing spirit
To mold humanity into God's own shape
And lead this great blind struggling world to light
Or a new world discover or create
Earth must transform herself and equal heaven
Or Heaven descend into earth's mortal state."

What did you miss? Renard's concept "And if you’ve decided that you want out and you want to stop coming back here and reincarnating..." and Aurobindo's concept "Earth must transform herself and equal heaven / Or Heaven descend into earth's mortal state," represent the root confusion of our identity and what we are doing here. Diametrically opposed to one another, these two concepts...not being here and being here...lie at the source of our pain and suffering. These opposites lie at the heart of our identity as to who we are as human beings and what we are doing on this planet. If you do not know who you are, you cannot act accordingly.

We are here to transform the earth, this tiny blue orb, into heaven. Heaven on earth. We must choose to be here and to keep coming back and back and back and back until that task is done.

Be here with a conscious understanding that your life is not about being relegated to pain and suffering. Be here with a firm understanding that your life matters. If you thought that you were here because life is a trial, that Earth is the Devil's Island of our galaxy, that you are being punished, tested, then why would anyone want to be here? But if you knew that you were here for the purpose of creating heaven on earth, then why wouldn't you want to be here and be part of that?

Be here and stop missing out.

Self-AwarenessAshleigh Stoia